New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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