can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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