I accidentally burped into my bong.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
