I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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