I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
