she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think your dad took our porno
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
