Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I supernannyed him into submission
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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