i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
