I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
