the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
