moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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