doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
