you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
