Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
