Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
