R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize