Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
