I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
