is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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