dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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