Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
