Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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