Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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