one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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