I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
