this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
