I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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