Buhtt sex?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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