If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
