Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize