I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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