swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
