I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
