I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
