Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Someone signed my nipple.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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