I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize