the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
