Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
