We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Drunk is not a location!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
