Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
