Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
