I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
false alarm, still single
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
