Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
