I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
