i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
