Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
