She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
