I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
