Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
