It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
