found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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