dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
