Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
