Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
