Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
