Slut skills are useful in every country.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
