what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
