I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize