toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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