would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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