Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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