Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
