who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
