I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
