Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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