We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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