I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
