just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
