How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
