Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
