I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize