Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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