you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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