porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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