my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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