when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
