"it" just moved
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
