i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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