Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
