I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
