p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
